Gawk Back

“I feel that I’ve lived in a lonely shadow that has echoed across my thrills, resounding and reverberating to a zero whenever it wished. There’s been laughter, nights that grew faster, days that have clung on till my haircuts, and I’m headed a way that leads me to more. Sadness is fastened to my mind, and my hands are in seismic shakes of caressing my forehead, and hair. Moments are flung above my eyes, and I watch as they fly away, they look back, keep making me feel more of something that I have boxed and wrapped in dust so it can unravel in age, in time. Yet something empties me, wastes me somehow because the manner in which I narrate myself can’t navigate thru my desires, which are many and unclear. I can survive being alone, and move on, but with all this space in my mouth, my tongue flattened, stuck to my jaw, the air wrestles and flips in the abundance of space. So, I stare into the two or three stars in the night sky, feeling the chill on my vacant arms and legs, lights dripping oldly from the ceiling, draped in thin boundaries, fading into the walls like paintings struck into museums, still, lifeless, objective. My head bobs, my mind runs, my brain knits all these dreams, and makes me imagine scenarios that exhaust my satisfaction. I should sleep but instead I’ll watch Blade Runner”

Published by

Watt

It's all a matter of rust and shine, to serve a distinction between to have and to have not.

20 thoughts on “Gawk Back”

  1. So good to read you again, and what a piece.

    Yet something empties me, wastes me somehow because the manner in which I narrate myself can’t navigate thru my desires, which are many and unclear.

    What can I say? You said it all.

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  2. “Sadness is fastened to my mind”
    “lights dripping oldly from the ceiling”
    “Yet something empties me, wastes me somehow because the manner in which I narrate myself can’t navigate thru my desires, which are many”

    And Blade Runner, I think it is/was a favourite film of some folks in my life, I have never seen it (because am a wimp for violence)… Wikipedia makes it sound good: “A visually remarkable, achingly human sci-fi masterpiece.” Did you like it, Watt?

    I like these glimpses into a far-flung mind, with hints at the physical confines/inspiration. ❤︎🌱

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  4. You keep writing and I keep admiring, because that is the kind of writer you are… it feels like your inspiration and talent is limitless. To me this piece speaks of the way that life can give us everything, but still we question it, question ourselves. I love it how you give life to thoughts and moments, like they are suspended in the air and can physically encounter us. And, like Nadine and Silent Hour, i am so struck by this:

    “Yet something empties me, wastes me somehow because the manner in which I narrate myself can’t navigate thru my desires, which are many and unclear”

    This gives words to something so many of us experience.

    Liked by 1 person

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