Cruel World

Looking back, it seemed surreal that he had lost everything in a state of mind. People always leave, they live like they’re leaving, and if he can’t do it, then they do it better. He stretched his arms into the secrets of eternity, and in the unreasonable, uncomfortable standstill confessed to himself what he had known all along – he was alone.

He was always alone. Forever.

Come nightfall, he pleaded, and drape him in hues of gloom, in the darkening sky, while the clouds twitched with mistakes. The jersey shirt he wore expanded as a royal umbrella for his shoes as he put his hands above his head, its white expanse wet with rain, and his chest cold, no dry eye either, it was just one drop of rain over another on his sighing skin. Radio waves grizzled in the air, and his hands dropped down and gripped the metal of the railing.

Could a wall ever be enough to lean on? And can bones dressed in flesh help you stand every day? A piece of paper to paint out the complications of desolation, and lonesome time? He was learning to survive being alone, he never had to practice. As if some illusion of a crowd, or some grinning people had kept him hidden from the truth. And as the night blared in the accents of a fading movie montage, his skin ran six feet to keep him covered, as hours burned onto him.

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Watt

It's all a matter of rust and shine, to serve a distinction between to have and to have not.

66 thoughts on “Cruel World”

  3. The sense of aloneness you create here is immense, raw, cold… almost too relatable, like I could feel it in my own bones. I did.
    “Could a wall ever be enough to lean on? And can bones dressed in flesh help you stand every day”
    This whole thing was stunning and devastating.
    If you feel like it, listen to this. Hopefully the link works, I don’t seem to be able to correctly post YouTube links on WP:
    The sense of aloneness you create here is immense, raw… almost too relatable, like I could feel it in my own bones. I did.
    “Could a wall ever be enough to lean on? And can bones dressed in flesh help you stand every day”
    This whole thing was stunning and devastating.

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    1. I don’t mind at all!! It’s such an awesome video, I stared it’s legs off, and wore it down in a spiral, hungering it’s coolness. Thank you so so much. I knew this song, you had told me about it some time back too. I thought it was a good song. But with the video it just seems like one of the greatest. Thank you again.

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    1. I’ve been trying thru this month. All the pieces this month are connected. The first few were kind of bland. It gets better after Corona and a Mid-life crisis’. 😂

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      1. Hi. I think somebody is removing my followers, so if I ask Nimay that does he have access to my blog, he would say no however if you ask that does he has access to my blog then he may tell you the truth.

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  18. My philosophy is, work at carefully putting things into the Universe, lest the Universe think that you actually want those things and give them to you. “People always leave, they live like they’re leaving…” Sometimes the burdens that we create are just too much to carry anymore, and then no, those bones can’t help you stand any longer. But hopefully no matter how complex, confusing or catastrophic are our renderings, we can reach the doorknob, counter, chair, stove handle, plant or whatever, and pull ourselves up again. And if that isn’t possible, a good, strong drink can work wonders while we’re flopped on the floor, fiending for a bag of Cheetos and a Marlboro Menthol 🙂 Loved this piece. Raw and moving, existential popcorn exploding across the mind in firework colors. Kudos.

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    1. Once again, a gorgeous comment. Fiending for Cheetos, finding our hands, and burying deep in the bag, searching for something as profound as a chip, or maybe a soul wrapped in speckled Ziploc bags. 🙂

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      1. There are signs in everything and they can lead to a beauty that’s profound… ok, so maybe a number or letter, or word or symbol is just a number or letter, or word or symbol, and maybe they’re not in everything… but it’s really fun trying find them anyway 😛

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  19. Hi-Watt, I love your new profile pic.
    I love being alone, Watt. I think reflection time is so good. I love the blue hue of the image it perfectly matches your words.
    I keep thinking of the movie “City of Angels” when I read your words, with Nicholas Cage. I watched it the other night and the feeling I get from that movie is much like when I read your words. Keep being you. I’m always here, I’m never leaving! 🙂

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    1. Thank you! For the photo compliment, and another comparison to a Nick Cage film. I guess I live in shades of cool. 🤠
      And thank you again, for offering me the promise of constancy. Who does that anymore?

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      1. Yes, I think you are cool. 😎
        I’m always consistent and constant. I believe it’s part of integrity and transparency. Keep doing what you do. Have a beautiful weekend Watt.

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    1. I so envy you for your talent in visual art. Often words fail to express this entity of a feeling, but I feel like a scene that can be created by your talent would just be so much more satisfying. Right?

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      1. Yes, …. and your talent, too. Your words are a paintbrush to me. The finished piece is a painting, or photo, or movie…
        Perhaps satisfaction is state of mind. Sometimes I am not satisfied with what I have created, I am frustrated. Yet, someone comes along, says….Wow, this is one of . your best!
        Be well, Watt!

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      2. Something about that. Someone else’s reassurance. Thank you very much, Resa! I respect your art in the highest degree, and to hear you say such nice things is nothing short of an honor.

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  25. The line: “He was always alone. Forever.” got me in my heart. I cried as I read it and reminded me of
    “charles bukowski”.

    You know I have dreams a lot where I’m alone forever and feel completely empty because I’m either stress or think of the future and that is something that haunts me.

    I love everything you’ve expressed and bless you my friend. Thank you for writing this brilliant prose.

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  28. A very relatable piece for me. During our peak hours of aloneness, we find ourselves
    so cognizant of every detail around us. I really liked that he didn’t need practice. A true loner, never needs it.

    Great piece that resonated with me.

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  29. I missed some of your work. You seem to have been dropped from my READER and I was no longer “following you.” That is no longer true.

    I love this work. A window into one who feels alone in a way that’s deeper than just being lonely. As if he realized the truth. We ARE alone, each and everyone of us. Nothing to fear, just something to wake up to. It’s easier for some to digest that than it is for others. And sometimes, waking up to being alone, can be a very good thing.

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